My dream felt so real. But hey, it is real thats why i dreamt of what happened. Its all over. I mean it, and i know it.
I was upset when u din really bother. But later i was glad when i saw your message 50 minutes later. I guess i was too mad, i scared you off. Or did i irritate you too much you dont wanna reply anymore.
I asked you if you really care about me, you said YA. I asked you why cant i feel it, you said you do not know and you stopped replying me. My heart ached a hell lot before it stopped having any emotions. I knew for sure it was the end. I knew for sure my fantasy and naivety stopped at that point of time.
I guessed i screwed it up, but i do not blame myself. Its a matter of time i realise the truth and stop having illusions about this affair, stop deluding myself. This is all fated, it was all fated to end it right on the 13th of November 2004. It was all fated.
Our destiny ends right there. It took me some time to convince myself that its really the end, he does not love me anymore, he does not wanna be with me. You may think that i am mad, im insane, im such an irritant. But i can tell you with wide open smiles, no im not. I just wanna know, how much i actually weigh, how much your concerns are for me.
One thing i know for sure, the truth always hurts. But the truth can never be wrong. I will be strong, i will accept this harsh fact, i will accept it with much confidence that i will never break down and cry for you again.
Shopping at FarEast, drinking at Music Underground, dinner at Cineleisure, the puking scenerio, the cab ride home with my head on your strong comfy shoulders, the narcissistic you, the way you tried to tickle me, the way you look, the way you smile, lunch at Pastamania, watching you play billiard at Pavilion, those volleyball matches, supporting you quietly alone upstairs, the concerned look on my face when you lost the match, the smiley look on my face when you won, our million and one words exchanged online, literally giving hugs and kisses, seeing you at Chinablack, all the tiffs and bickers, quarrels and venting of anger, me almost being the third party, you telling me i will never lose you, all the precious smses, waking up early and forgoing my sleep to give you morning call which actually mean nothing to you at all, waiting up on every Friday and Saturday for you to be home and come online cos im affected that your're clubbing in Chinablack, frantically searching your black star stud every time im out shopping, constantly keeping your images in my mind, your figure in my heart.
All these memories will be kept here in my blog from now on. Im removing em from my broken heart, its slowly fading away from my own memories. I know its tough, its near to 0% successful rate. But i'll try hard, very hard.
I guess its time to say goodbye. Thanks for all the memories made, be it the good or bad. These 3 months or so had really made my life a rollercoaster. Thank you so much, thank you.
We will talk as usual, only if you initiate. Cos i do not know if you wanna talk to me anymore. I hope my feelings hold still from now on. I promised myself not to sulk and be sad anymore after i wake up from my sleep last night. I endured it all throughout as i closed my teary eye.
I miss you..and i love you.. Goodbye.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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